Desire Delusions

Get what you want! But be careful because it is very possible to end up with what you wanted, feeling unhappy.

Beware of Desire Delusions:

Undirected desire: No destination, just avoiding problems. Simply going away from discomfort, seeking comfort. Choosing the path of least resistance without a destination in mind. This typically results in depressive symptoms.

Immature desire: choosing near-future desires and/or immediate gratification while sacrificing long-term important desires. This mistake strongly corelates with youth. How long is a year from a teenager’s perspective? A 28-year-old? A 38-year-old? A mature individual understands that ‘someday’ goals require action in the present. Furthermore, if I’m not careful, having just what I want today, I might sacrifice what’s truly important.

Desire to abstain: Relying on the idea: ‘I must not _______________ [fill in the blank]’. This is similar to undirected desire, except in this instance, the first priority and overwhelming desire is ‘not doing it’. The desire to abstain is an irony. Because how can a person want a nothing? The person focusing on ‘not doing it’ is unrealistically relying on willpower, this sort of self-discipline is typically insufficient to make lasting change. When a person decides they will stop a bad habit they’re half-way there. They must also have a competing desire; an enriching goal that they can actually achieve, a desire that will potentially replace the problematic desire.

Fixed desire: When a strategy that worked for some time stops working (maybe due to tolerance, overly punishing consequences, for whatever reason) the habitual human likely has difficulty adapting and embracing new strategies. We can know when something is not worth it, and also so deeply want it that we forget, likely make excuses or justifications. The default, habitual desire may be the one that is most problematic. Noticing your habitual desires promptly, then redirecting your focus to something else is the key.

Desire for freedom: Youthful people and Americans are obsessed with freedom. Healthy critical thinking and skepticism is useful here. Freedom to do what? Freedom to have or seek what? Desire of freedom for freedom’s sake may be entirely immaterial and wasted; unless there is a useful and enriching goal that the freedom will facilitate. How will you utilize your freedom?